
As the rain continues to spoil my work plans for the day (week, year...) it also continues to inspire a boredom within me so great that I feel the urge to write on this blog. Maybe this is the rain that Travis Bickle was speaking of, who knows.
I dedicated my day today to yelling at Comcast employees. At certain points I crossed the line and began yelling at them for all of their various intellectual deficiencies instead of the original reason I was calling, which was that for the second time in about three months one of their super-on-the-right-track cable guys inadvertantly disconnected my cable and internet service whilst trying to disconnect one of my neighbor's (hey, numbers are tough. "Apt #8" looks a hell of a lot like Apt #1"). And apparently they didn't have time (or couldn't remember where I lived, or what we were talking about) to send one of their cable guys to perform the difficult task of pushing the lever in his van to lift up the ladder and then climbing up the ladder to re-attach my service. That really pissed me off, especially when I passed by a Comcast van two blocks away from my place while I was on the way to the store.
My favorite part of this whole experience was when I would reach a customer service representative (a.k.a., someone who is too dumb to even work as a cable guy) and take about five minutes explaining what my problem was, including a summary of my last conversation with the previous customer service representative, only to have them say, over and over again, "I understand. We need to solve this problem. Hold on one second."
And then, after about two minutes of hold music, a new voice would say this:
"Thank you for calling Comcast, what can I help you with?"
To which I eventually started to reply:
"Yes, hello. I am wondering if there is someone in the building with a high school diploma or some otherwise equivalent document?"
Here are a few other things that I said to the Comcast people today:
"I would thank you, but I don't really know what I would be thanking you for."
"Well, thanks for...almost nothing."
"Yes, I will take that discount. But still..."
"If you can just bring over a ladder I can do this myself."
"Do any of you people actually exist? Am I actually talking to a real person?"
"Yes, I will take that discount. But still..."
"Can you give me any reason that I should not discontinue my service with your company?"
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. This is the stupidest company I've ever dealt with. That is a stupid way to set up a company."
"Yes, I will take that discount. But still..."
"Ok. So how are you going to compensate me for what can only be described as your moronic incompetence."
"You do realize that if we don't get this taken care of tonight, I'm not going to be around for this appointment tomorrow, and so when I get back in a few days I'm just going to have to call you back and we're just going to have to do this again...Uh huh...OK...Alright then, I'll talk to you in a few days. Bye."
"Yes, hi. I'm calling because I'm wondering why you are an idiot and why your company is made up of a bunch of morons."
Ok, so maybe I didn't say that last one. But I came pretty close. And don't forget, tomorrow is an entirely new day for them to enrage me.
You know, son...there are a lot of idiotic jackasses in the world. Most of them work for the cable company.