Monday, April 14, 2008

Oh Yeah!


I forgot to tell you about the hilarity that ensued between Hawk and DJ this weekend. Now, I've listened to most of the games on the radio this season, just because Farmio and the Stone Pony sound great together. But Farmio was gone this weekend, so I decided to tune in and check out Hawk and DJ...and...


Hawk and DJ had a sleepover this weekend!


No joke. They were talking about it during Saturday's game. I guess that because Friday night's game went late, and Saturday's game started at noon, the Hawkaroo took DJ up on his invitation to crash on his couch. This resulted in some hilarity, and the two actually seemed to hate each other a little less during Saturday's game.


There was also an obvious reduction in Darrin Jackson's rage level because of the sleep over. It was almost like he was on a power trip...he even called the Hawkaroo out on some Hawk Harrelson bullshit during the game. I can't promise you that this is verbatim, but Dj, after posing a question to the Hawkaroo and being anwered with (surprise) a prolongued moment of bitter and hateful silence, said to Hawk, "C'mon, grandpa-pa. Say something."


Hilarious, but not the Hawk and DJ "Quote of special significance," which will be a new feature on this blog. Notice that I'm not naming it "Quote of the Week" or "Quote of the Day." I'm doing this because I don't feel like putting that much effor into it and also because these gems don't happen every day. Here is the first one. It was during Friday's game.


Hawk said, "You ever had any groin problems?"

Sunday, April 13, 2008

White Sox Weekend Recap.

White Sox record: 7-4

The White Sox took the weekend series with the Tigers, shutting out Detroit for the second consecutive game. The Sox' only loss in the series came in the first game -- a game that they should have blown out the Tigers. The Sox are still looking pretty good so far this year, but I'm not ready to call them a contender just two weeks in the season (note: I'm not ready to call anybody a contender just two weeks into the season, or any MLB season, for that matter). What the White Sox need to do is to not think about the good start that they've gotten off to, and not think about contending for the AL Central crown at the end of the year, either. They need to focus on winning ballgames one at a time, like they have been.

Friday's Game: Sox Lose

I was pretty nervous about this one going in because Jose Contreras was pitching for us. However, a few hours before the game I realized that Dontrelle Willis was pitching for the Tigers. Ching ching! Dontrelle Willis was bad for the Florida Marlins last year, and he's been absolutely horrible for the Tigers so far this year. Dude can't get the ball over the plate to save his life.

Willis' brief outing on Friday was no exception. He walked the first two batters he faced and then (dammit) blew out his knee. Normally it is great when the opposing team's starting pitcher injures himself early in the game (if you're like me and you root for the other team's players to get injured) because it means that the manager has to go into his bullpen early. Not only does this mean that a (theoretically) crappier pitcher than the starter is going to pitch most of the game for the other team, but it also means that that bullpen is going to be blown out and tired for the rest of the series. Now, keep in mind that Detroit's bullpen has thrown the most innings in the league at this point, so its already very taxed. As a matter of fact, the Tigers bullpen that normally consists of 8 pitchers was down to having only 5 hurlers available for Friday's game. The other 3 guys were tired from overuse and Tigers manager Jim Leland had said that they were unavailable for that night's game.

In this case, however, it sucked that Willis got injured early and had to leave the game. The guy was missing the strike zone by about two Bobby Jenks's every time he threw the ball. Leland would have probably left him in the game for five innings or so, even if the Sox were blowing the Tigers out, just to save the bullpen. He probably would have sucked up the loss. If Willis would have stayed in, we would have won the game.

But, some crackhead came in to relieve Willis and shut the White Sox down. He really did throw a gem at us that night. Contreras wasn't absolutely horrible, but he wasn't very sharp. We lost.

Saturday's Game: Sox win 7-0

Gavin "Pink" Floyd threw what was easily the best game of his young career on Saturday, taking a no-hitter into the eighth. Tigers shortstop Edgar Gonorrhea broke it up with a single to right.

With a score like 7-0, its easy to forget the great game that Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander threw on Saturday. Verlander pitched (I think) a one-hitter through seven, with the one hit being a solo home run off the bat of Sox shortstop Orlando Cabrera, who later got drilled in the back of the head (not a purpose pitch) by Verlander. The wheels came off for Verlander and the Tigers in the eighth, though, when Verlander and the bullpen gave up six runs. I don't remember what he did in that inning, but Carlos "The Greatest Baseball Player of All Time" Quentin did something.

Sunday's Game: Sox win 11-0

Javier Vasquez pitched well, and the offense continues to surge. Both Paul Konerko and Joe Crede had grand slams in this one, and Konerko (my pick to click, people!) had 5 RBIs. Basically, we just kicked their asses today. And that's not meant as an insult to the Tigers -- everybody gets their asses kicked sometimes. I'm sure that the Tigers will connect foot with ass at some point this season.

Hopefully, this game will mark the beginning for Konerko, who has been slumping all season offensively. If the White Sox can keep getting what they have been getting from everybody, and Thome and Konerko start hitting, this team is going to be a force. Of course, I don't think that Crede, Dye, and Pierzynski are going to hit .400 this year. But you know what I mean. Consistency.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Thome got booted from Friday's game for screaming at the hump about balls and strikes. It was only the third time in Thome's long career that he's been booted, and he definitely deserved to get booted. As Hawk said, "He got his money's worth." Ozzie even came out of the dugout to get between Thome and the hump, which was hilarious because Ozzie is literally half the size of Jim Thome (most people are) and he basically swatted Ozzie away like a gnat. It was hilarious. Ozzie's hat even got a little bit mussed up... he kept coming back and trying to push Thome away, and you could tell that he was really digging his heels into the ground and putting some muscle into it...but he had no chance. It just goes to show you that Jim Thome could really beat the hell out of somebody.

Thome's new nickname: The Immoveable Objecte

And now for the most important thing that happened all weekend: A bunch of snobs buried a jersey in some concrete, and a bunch of other snobs dug it up. There was some shartage.

This week for the Sox:

Monday and Tuesday Oakland comes to town.

Wednesday and Thursday were in Baltimore.

Weekend series in Tampa Bay.

Don't sleep on any of these teams. Oakland always plays us tough...Baltimore kind of sucks but got off to a good start...and Tampa Bay is the start-up team of the year.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Hail Mario!


Greatest game of all time!


Mario Chalmers: You will never have to pay for a drink in Lawrence, Kansas ever again.


Rock Chalk Jayhawk! Champions!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

My #1 of the Day


Melinda, from MTV's "Real World."


There is some stupid Real World reunion show on MTV that I had on tonight while I was typing something up for class. I wasn't paying much attention to it...and then I saw Melinda. I used to be obsessed with this girl when she was on TV a few years ago, and then I forgot about her. And now she's back in my life!

Your Daily Quote


"I don't give a god damn about North Carolina right now."

-Roy Williams, shortly before leaving Kansas for the head coaching job at North Carolina in 2003.


I can finally forgive you, Roy. We just needed to kick your ass first. Which we did!

White Sox Recap: Ride the Carlos Quentin Wave


Current Record: 4-2


The White Sox swept the Tigers in Detroit this weekend. Jose Contreras was awful in his first outing of the season on Friday, which has me worried. Gavin Floyd looked solid in Saturday's game. And Mark Beuhrle made up for a poor first outing by throwing a great game on Sunday.


The team is really hitting right now. A.J. Pierzynski had an incredible first week at the plate. Swisher, Dye, Konerko, Thome, and Crede are really hitting the ball well, too.


Other than Mike MacDougal, our bullpen is looking great. If our starters can get the team into the seventh inning with a lead, we'll be in great shape. I have to retract Octavio Dotel's nickname, by the way. Other than that first outing, he has been great. It's got to be a great feeling for the team to know that if they can make it into the seventh with a lead, Dotel, Linebrink, and Jenks will shut the opposition down.


We still need a nickname for Mike MacDougal! So far, I think we only have one suggestion: MacDouchegal. I like that. But I'm not willing to settle on it yet.


OK-now for what I've really been wanting to write:


Carlos Quentin.


Carlos Quentin is amazing. He's got some power, and he's been hitting the ball well so far. He's not bad in the field, either, although he's no Aaron Rowand. I love having Quentin hitting seventh in our line-up (even though that means having Crede hit eighth, which kind of sucks). It's just nice to have a power-hitting left fielder, for a change. For some reason, he reminds me of Jose Canseco.


The thing is, Quentin might be playing on borrowed time. One of the big reasons that Quentin is on the big league club right now is the injury to Jerry Owens, who will probably be back relatively soon. Before the season started, Ozzie was expected to have Owens be the every day centerfielder and hit lead off. Swisher would then move over to left field and get out of the lead off spot. And there goes Quentin's playing time.


When Owens comes back, Ozzie is going to have to send somebody down to the minors in order to make room for him. My guess is that it will be either Brian Anderson (who hasn't played much at all this season, but had a great spring) or Carlos Quentin. One other option would be for Ozzie to just send Owens down to the minors, but that seems pretty unlikely.


My question is this: If things are going well, as they have been so far this year, why change anything? Why not just ride this thing out with Swisher hitting lead off and playing center and Quentin playing left and hitting seventh? We should leave the line-up alone until it becomes ineffective (which it hopefully won't). Jerry Owens is fast, and he's a nice player (supposedly...he hasn't proven anything at the major league level) but plugging him into the line-up like that could really disrupt things and change our momentum from the worse. And you never know -- what if Jerry Owens pulls a...well, a Jerry Owens, and just sucks, like he has for the last couple of years? There's no room for sucking on this team.


Come on, Ozzie. You know better than to mess with your team when things are going well, don't you? Ride the Carlos Quentin wave with me!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

My #1 of the Day


Gisele Bundchen. Gisele made this one easy today by wearing ass-less shorts.

Your Daily Quote


"He looks like he's dancing disco down there around first base."

-Ed "Farmio" Farmer, talking about the frump who was calling all of the check-swings strikes

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Person of the Day


I have finally discovered the source of the m-f'ing running car engine.


Dude seriously shows up on my block at least 3-4 times per day, for like 30 minutes at a time, and just lets his car (the car looks like a red 1987 Buick, or something like that) run. The car must not have a muffler, because this bitch is loud. You wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal, but I swear...once you notice it, and it just keeps happening over and over, every day...you'd be ready to smash some windshield, too.


What the hell is this guy doing? Seriously, bro. If you've got something to do around here, fine! But turn your Def-Leppard-Mobile off. Dude must waste $20 in gas every day just from letting the thing run!


My theory is that he is a drug dealer. He is probably providing for my neighbors at the end of the hall, who I've always thought were drug dealers. Bitches are on their phone all the frigging time! And there are always some weirdos showing up. I'm onto your scheme, people!

White Sox Recap: Horrible Game

Cleveland 7, White Sox 2

White Sox Record: 0-2

This game was three-and-a-half hours of painful misery, and this time we can't blame it on the umps. Even though we did get hosed a little bit...But that isn't why we lost.

Fausto Carmona completely shut us down. Javier Vasquez was mediocre. And Mike MacDougal sucked, as usual. MacDougal won't be on this roster at the end of the season.

There aren't really any positives that we can take from this game. If Monday's defeat was a "moral victory" (if there is such a thing) then this game was a "moral defeat." We didn't just lose -- we got outplayed. Big time.

Here is a look at the worst of the worst for the White Sox in this one:

-Mike MacDougal. Guy comes in to start the 6th and gives up two runs. It could have been a lot worse, as he left a couple of guys on base. I don't even think he got his first out until the 3rd or 4th guy he faced. That's not what you want to see from one of your supposed first guys out of the 'pen.

-The offense. Sure, Fausto Carmona is a dominant pitcher. And sure, the home plate umpire had a huge strike zone (for both teams). And sure, the first base umpire called just about every check-swing a strike (for both teams). But good teams find ways to eke out a few runs, here and there...and they make up for the rest with pitching and defense. We did none of that. We didn't even have very many good at-bats. And we grounded into at least 4 double plays. We didn't capitalize when we had runners on base. Basically, we looked like the '07 Sox. That's a bad sign.

-What the hell is up with 'Nerk dropping balls at first base? I can remember three so far this year that probably would have been outs if he could have held on. Sure, the throws were in the dirt. But 'Nerk has always been able to scoop those out and make the plays.

The only positives that I can think of are:

-A.J. has been hitting well...I think he's got five hits already. Hawk pointed out, though, that he called a breaking ball on a 3-2 count with the bases loaded...it was ball four. Run scored. What up with that, A.J.?

-We beaned Grady Sizemore. We need to see more of that.

-I forgot to mention this about Monday's game: Victor Martinez got injured, and that is a definite positive. That's right, I said it. Most people say, "Well, you never like to see somebody get hurt." I say, "Well, if their guys get hurt, it makes it a lot harder for them to beat us. So let's hurt their guys." I see things in wins and losses only.

I also think it's pretty cool that Crede keeps throwing fits on the field. Seriously...he threw his hands (he was holding his bat) up in the air today after the first base ump...

[side note: I will be abbreviating the umpires in the following ways for the rest of the season:

First base ump = frump
Second base ump = sbump
Third base ump = thrump
Home plate ump = hump]

...after the frump called his check swing a strike for strike two. And later, he screamed at the frump for calling him out at first when he was obviously safe. He did this a couple of times in Monday's game, too. He looks like he's about to kick somebody's ass. I think it's cool, but what's up with that?

I'm waiting for Ozzie to really start screaming at one of the umps. You know it's going to happen sometime soon if this losing keeps up.

That's it for tonight. Now we need a nickname for MacDougal. Suggestions?

I've got Octavio Dotel's nickname!

And here it is.

Let's hope that he doesn't live up to this nickname this season.

Today's Sox Match-up and Motto of the Day: Kick His Ass, Seabass


The Sox are taking on the Indians today at 6:05 in Cleveland for game two of the series. The White Sox come into this one with a pretty big chip on their shoulders from Game 1's hosing (see previous White Sox recap...we got hosed). The pitching match-up features Javier Vasquez taking on Fausto Carmona.


Keys to the game:


-Javier Vasquez came on real strong last year. He is a strikeout pitcher who can be lights out as long as he avoids the big inning, which he was able to do all of last year. Basically, I'm looking for Javy to shut down the Indians offense. I'm looking for the Sox to pick it up just a little bit defensively (they played pretty decently on the defensive side on Monday). And I'm loving what I see from the Sox offense so far, so we need to just keep doind what we've been doing on that front.


My season question marks:


-I need to see Alexei Ramirez have some good at bats.


-I need to see Uribe successfully bunt or hit a sac fly if he needs to.


Also, WE STILL NEED A NICKNAME FOR OCTAVIO DOTEL. I would like to nominate "Octavio Oh-hell." But we still need suggestions.


Motto of the day, and my advice to Javier Vasquez and the White Sox:


"Kick his ass, Sea-bass."

-that's from Dumb and Dumber

My #1 of the Day


Katie Holmes, before Tom Cruise stole her soul.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Your Daily Quote


"By Monday, unless there's an injury -- a 'Cubbie Occurence' -- I think we'll be in pretty good shape."

-Cubs manager Lou Piniella (who I actually like)

Mind-Numbingly Stupid People of the Day




Idiots. These guys can't buy a clue.


(just so DeWolf knows: I like Ernie Banks, and I like that he got a statue. But seriously...c'mon.)

Book Review: The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, by Michael Chabon


From what I have heard, Michael Chabon is a very highly respected American author. He wrote the novel Wonderboys (which was made into a film starring Michael Douglas) as well as several successful screenplays. "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh" was his first novel.

Chabon began writing "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh" in his early twenties while he was attending the University of Pittsburgh. He later turned the completed project in as his Master's thesis. His professor thought so highly of the manuscript that he sent it on to a connection of his in the publishing industry, and the manuscript was eventually published in 1988.


The plot revolves around Art Bechstein, who is in the midst of his first summer after his college graduation. Art meets a homosexual student named Arthur (yes...Art and Arthur) and the two become fast friends. Arthur introduces Art to Phlox, a beautiful girl whom Art immediately starts dating. Things get serious between Art and Phlox pretty quickly. Somewhere in there, Arthur introduces Art to Cleveland -- a long haired, leather clad, motorcycle riding, gangster wannabe.


Basically what happens is that at the same time Art is falling in love with Phlox, he is falling in love with Arthur. A love triangle ensues. Cleveland does some stuff. And things start going to hell.


A lot of people seem to think that this novel is genius...even comparing it to Salinger's Catcher in the Rye or Kerouac's On The Road (see menu on the right for links). To these people I have this to say:


Are you mental?


This book is somewhat entertaining for the first hundred pages or so, but with every turn of the page it becomes more and more unrealistic. Chabon seems to be a master of my newest pet peeve (and this is something that really pisses me off to no end...I can't stand it when authors do this), which is writing completely unrealistic dialogue between characters. Nobody talks like that, bro. I don't care if you can write like that - don't write it into the dialogue. Writing unrealistic dialogue makes your overall product worse; it doesn't prove that you are a great writer. In fact, it proves that you are anything but a great writer. A dumbass, if you will. Great writers are smart enough to make their characters believable. They don't ruin their entire product by making their characters into people that nobody could believe are real.


Here is my new rating system:


Best Ever = two thumbs up

Good = one thumb up

Decent = shoulder shrug

Bad = one middle finger

Worst Ever = two middle fingers


Michael Chabon's "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh" gets one middle finger.
The film version is set to be released this year. Sienna Miller is in it, which reminds me...