Friday, February 29, 2008

My #1 of the Day

Gillian Anderson. Some people might disagree with me, but I've always been obsessed. Also, I think that she used to hang out with Maynard, from Tool, when they were in college in the 1980s. I bet she would have found my keys right away.

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Person of the Day

Me, obviously, for taking five months to find my keys.

Your Daily Quote

"Keys, George. They look like keys."

-Jerry Seinfeld

2-29-08: Today is Dedicated to:

My University of Kansas keychain. I thought I had lost you forever!

I Found My Keys!

Under the fridge! I lost them about five months ago.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

My #1 of the Day

Maria Sharapova. Mostly because she reminds me of this girl I know who is a tennis pro that I am obsessed with.

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Person of the Day

Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, the mayor of Arlington, Oregon, who recently lost her job as mayor of Arlington (and then got it back) for posting pictures of herself wearing only lingerie on her MySpace page.

While it is pretty stupid for a mayor to post semi-nude photos of herself on the internet, that is not actually why she won the award today. She is winning the award because, in an interview with CNN in which she defended her actions, Kontur-Gronquist said the following:

"That's why they call it MySpace. It's because its my space."

Yeah, that's also why they call it the World Wide Web, Al Gore. Are you mental?

Your Daily Quote

"Fill it up again!"

-Frank the Tank

2-28-08: Today is Dedicated to:

Red wine. Because sometimes you just need to get drunk.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

My #1 of the Day

I don't know who this chick is, I only know that she is protesting Kosovo's independence, and that she is hot. I don't really know what the situation is in Kosovo, but I think that I am siding with her.

Mind-Numbingly Stupid People of the Day

These people, who live in Australia, noticed within the last week that there was a 16 foot python in or around their family's back yard, "stalking" their family dog. They watched the python stalk the dog for a few days, and then the python (surprise) ate the dog -- while their children watched.

Maybe instead of just giving each other empty stares and saying, "Honey, I think that that giant satanic dinosaur in our backyard wants to eat our dog," they could have, I don't know...not let the dog outside, or something.

Your Daily Quote

"High five."

-David Puddy

2-27-08: Today is dedicated to:

Freaking out. Because that is what I did today, and that is what I will continue to do.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

My #1 of the Day

Heidi Klum. Yup.

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Person of the Day

Special thanks to my dad for bringing this one to my attention:

This guy, who died this morning while competing in the prestigious "Tour Da Chicago" bicycle race, in which there are about forty competing cyclists each year. Dude ran a red light at the intersection of Lincoln and Iriving Park during morning rush hour today and (surprise) got nailed by an S.U.V. He died about a half an hour later.

A grim-faced policeman who was on the scene told reporters that the whole thing could have been avoided "by just thinking for two seconds."

Your Daily Quote

"Yeah, um... I'm going to have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there."

-Bill Lumberg

2-26-08: Today is Dedicated to:

T.C.B. That's right, taking care of business. I've been getting shit done today like you wouldn't believe.

Does anybody need to get their ass kicked? Because that's all I've been doing all day: Kicking ass.

Give me a call and let me know.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Why is this even a big deal

This photo has "surfaced" of Barack Obama wearing a turban and other traditional Kenyan wear. Obama was visiting Kenya, where his father is from, in 2006 when the photo was taken.

The rumor is that the photo was circulated by the Hillary Clinton campaign as a smear-tactic against Obama. If this were true, which Hillary has denied, then the logic would seem to be that Americans would link Obama to the middle-eastern terrorist stereotype and thus not vote for him.

There are a couple of scary things about that logic. The first and probably least important is that the Clinton campaign might think that Americans are stupid enough to be scared out of voting for someone because he is wearing a turban. I say that this is the least important part because there are probably plenty of racist, brainless dipshits out there who WOULD stay away from a candidate just because he is wearing a turban in a photo.

The really scary part of this whole thing -- if it is true that this photo was circulated by the Clinton campaign as a smear tactic against Obama -- is that there are high-ranking members of that campaign that believe that men wearing turbans are terrorists, or that they hate the U.S., or that they are waging jihad against us...basically it would mean that they think that everyone from the middle east is a terrorist.

If it is true that this photo is being circulated by the Clinton campaign (which, again, Hillary has denied), then this is one of the most racist, ignorant, and degrading displays I have ever seen. It would basically be the same as saying, "Don't vote for this guy! He's wearing a turban! He'll blow us all up!"

In other, unrelated news: America's international relations remain at an all time low and American politicians are still unsure why. Could it be because we...

...just stereotyped billions of people as politically radical killers (again)?

My #1 of the Day

Marion Cotillard.

I don't really know who this chick is, but she won Best Actress last night, she's French, and she's hot, sooo....

Your Daily Quote

"If I had not been a piece of a logician before I came to him, I think he would have persuaded me to wish myself a horse."

-Sir Philip Sidney

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Person of the Day

Whoopi Goldberg, who apparently started crying on TV this morning because she wasn't included in some sort of video montage of the hosts of the Oscars on last night's award show.

Who the fuck cares, Whoopi? People get shot and killed every day, and you are bitching and moaning because you weren't included in a fucking television montage? Aren't you famous enough already? Aren't you rich enough already? Big fucking deal. You and a lot of other people need to learn to shut the fuck up sometimes. I wasn't on the damn montage, and I'm not crying. That's like crying because you got picked last in gym class, even though you are already a rich and famous TV host.

You know what I am going to cry about? I am going to cry about the fact that there are people as stupid as you that actually exist. That's the real tear-jerker.

Oh yeah, and your name is fucking Whoopi. What the fuck is up with that. Shut the hell up.

Here is Layla

This is Patti Boyd, the woman for whom Eric Clapton wrote "Layla." Patti was married to George Harrison when George's best friend, Clapton, fell in love with Patti. And so Clapton wrote Layla. Patti eventually left George for Clapton.

2-25-08: Today is Dedicated to:

The Beatles.

Happy Birthday George Harrison

George would have been 65 today. He was the youngest Beatle - still a teenager when they hit it big. Happy birthday, George.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Ultimate Hotness of All Time

Marketa Irglova, from "Once."

I'm Dumbfounded

I was just watching Seinfeld and thinking about some homework (it helps me to think). The episode ended (the "Jimmy" episode...nice) and I wasn't really paying attention, so I just left the channel on. NASCAR came on, and as soon as I noticed I of course jumped violently out of my seat and rushed for the remote control so that I could turn off the scary hillbilly show as quickly as I could. I didn't want it to, you know, like, "damage" me, or whatever, if I accidentally saw just a little bit of it.

But before I could find the remote, the theme song started playing, and I could actually feel my brain beginning to deteriorate. I can't even describe it for you, it was just... I can't even tell you what I felt. In that moment, all of my emotions flowed through me like a strong current. I remembered my family, and the good times. Pre-NASCAR theme song.

But the thing that made me cry was when the guy in the song said "Let's go racing, boys." I just, I can't...Its...It's not good. I don't know...I don't know what is going to happen to me now, I'm...I can't even...No. No.

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Person of the Day

Ralph Nader, who just entered the Presidential race. Ralph is going to get about 1% of the vote, and he won't win any states. What he will do, however, is take votes away from Barack Obama (or Hillary Clinton, if she comes back and wins the Democratic nomination) in the National election, making it much easier for John McCain to win. Ironically, Obama is probably the candidate with policies and ideas most similar to Nader's, so, in running, Nader is actually putting his ideals even farther out of reach.

Nader '08:

"I am the unnecessary nurse in the room for America's colonoscopy."

Your Daily Quote

"I was not aware of that."

-Wayne Campbell

My #1 of the Day

Aunt Becky, from Full House. That's right. I think DeWolf will back me up on this one.

2-24-08: Today is Dedicated to:

Eating Mac and Cheese. Kraft only - it really is the cheesiest.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Your Daily Quote

"Its like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black."

-Nigel Tufnel

My #1 of the Day

Mary-Louise Parker. She has spent some time as my #1 before. I'm not sure why I am so obsessed, I think it might be the eyes.

2-22--08: Today is Dedicated to:

Kirk Hinrich and Drew Gooden, former teammates at Kansas who have now been reunited on the Chicago Bulls. We should get Keith Langford. Seriously! That guy was amazing.

Happy Birthday George Washington

George Washington did a bunch of stuff, like starting the county and inventing the one dollar bill. George would have been 276 years old today. Hi, old!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

My #1 of the Day

Reese Witherspoon. She has been in my top five for a few years, now. I am obsessed.

2-20-08: Today is Dedicated to:

Committing to the Indian. I am going to tonight's Chicago Blackhawks game at the United Center against the Minnesota Wild. It is the first game I have been to in years, and the occasion marks a well-orchestrated re-committment to the Indian for me that has been building within me all season. Tonight I officially commit to the Indian.

Commit to the Indian.

Happy Birthday Tom Waddle

Tom waddle is 41 today (that's right...born on the exact same day as Kurt Cobain). Tom is most famous for being the greatest wide receiver ever in the history of the world. He is also well known for going over the middle and getting his ass kicked by gigantic linebackers, but still holding on to the football.

These days, Waddle co-hosts a sports radio show that is, in my opinion, the best sports talk show in Chicago.
Tom is currently disappointed because he can't use the line "I'm a man! I'm 40!" anymore.

Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain

Kurt Cobain would have been 41 today. Kurt Cobain rules. Happy birthday, Kurt.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

St. Charles rules

I spoke with one of my professors today, and she told me that she has heard that Fred Phelps and the Addams Family have attempted to picket at least one of the funerals for the victims of the NIU shooting last week.

The funeral was in St. Charles, and St. Charles was ready for the bastards. The citizens of the village lined up all of their snow plows end-to-end, creating a barricade around the funeral area so that Phelps and Cousin Itt couldn't get close.

Hopefully the barricade kept them far enough away from the family and mourners so that they didn't have to hear the Good Ol' Boy's ridiculous, cruel, and vulgar shouting.


Addams Family-0

Keep in mind that this is all second-hand or third-hand information. But it sounds like something at least similar to this happened.
Hopefully what happened is that the St. Charles villagers/protectors told the Addams Family to leave. And then Cousin Itt said that they wouldn't. And then one of the villagers walked over to the (imaginary, non-existant) door, shut it, locked it, and said, "Alright. Now you's can't leave." And then The Beatles' "Come Together" started playing in the background. And then...
(A Bronx Tale. One of the best movies ever made.)

Your Daily Quote

"Are you talking to me?"

-Travis Bickle

My #1 of the Day

Scarlett Johansson. She just makes me feel happy inside.

2-19-08: Today is Dedicated to:

Fred Phelps' cowboy hat, which is actually a giant Pac-Man guy that is trying to eat his head (supposedly).

Don't think I'm going to go

Fred Phelps has me so pissed off that I have a headache. I don't need to be pissed off about losers like him. Waste of time.

Dear Fred Phelps,

I am an Irish S.O.B., and I don't like you. One day, when you have your funeral, I will be picketing the shit out of it.

Shirley Phelps-Roper

If you really want to stop men from being gay, just stop being so ugly. Fix it, lady. Fix it.

Oil and Water

Fred Phelps and the Addams Family are coming to Dekalb today to tell us about how happy they are that five of our friends and classmates were murdered. 5:45, intersection of Lucinda and Normal. Let's get ready to rumble.

Here is the Wikipedia entry on Phelps. Very interesting, especially the section on his disbarment.

Here are some groups and individuals that Fred Phelps hates, according to Wikipedia:


Jewish people

Catholic People

U.S. Soldiers

Swedish people

Irish people

Al Gore

Bill Clinton

Hillary Clinton

Ronald Reagan

Princess Diana

Reggie White

Matthew Shepard

Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers)

John Stewart

Stephen Colbert

Basically everyone

The top picture above is the devil himself, and of course he is wearing a cowboy hat. The second picture is Phelps' beautiful daughter. She must be one of those people that thinks that all men are gay because they keep rejecting her, when in reality it is because she looks like a dead, decomposing sewer rat. The bottom photo is an old family photo.

5:45 p.m. Let's get ready to rumble.

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Person of the Day

The pot-head at the Wilco show who stunk.

Dude. You stink, bro. You look like an asshole, you sound like an asshole, and you smell like an asshole. Fix it, dude. Fix it.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Your Daily Quote.

"Take the pen."

-Jack Klompus

My #1 of the Day

Lindsay Lohan. I'm not going to tell you that Lindsay is the most beautiful woman in the world. Half of the time, I don't even like her. But for whatever reason, today, I am in love with her. She also just got naked for New York Magazine in a Marilyn Monroe tribute.
Dear Lohan,
When you aren't all coked up, you are kind of pretty.