Gillian Anderson. Some people might disagree with me, but I've always been obsessed. Also, I think that she used to hang out with Maynard, from Tool, when they were in college in the 1980s. I bet she would have found my keys right away.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, the mayor of Arlington, Oregon, who recently lost her job as mayor of Arlington (and then got it back) for posting pictures of herself wearing only lingerie on her MySpace page.
While it is pretty stupid for a mayor to post semi-nude photos of herself on the internet, that is not actually why she won the award today. She is winning the award because, in an interview with CNN in which she defended her actions, Kontur-Gronquist said the following:
"That's why they call it MySpace. It's because its my space."
Yeah, that's also why they call it the World Wide Web, Al Gore. Are you mental?
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
These people, who live in Australia, noticed within the last week that there was a 16 foot python in or around their family's back yard, "stalking" their family dog. They watched the python stalk the dog for a few days, and then the python (surprise) ate the dog -- while their children watched.
Maybe instead of just giving each other empty stares and saying, "Honey, I think that that giant satanic dinosaur in our backyard wants to eat our dog," they could have, I don't know...not let the dog outside, or something.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Special thanks to my dad for bringing this one to my attention:
This guy, who died this morning while competing in the prestigious "Tour Da Chicago" bicycle race, in which there are about forty competing cyclists each year. Dude ran a red light at the intersection of Lincoln and Iriving Park during morning rush hour today and (surprise) got nailed by an S.U.V. He died about a half an hour later.
A grim-faced policeman who was on the scene told reporters that the whole thing could have been avoided "by just thinking for two seconds."
Monday, February 25, 2008
This photo has "surfaced" of Barack Obama wearing a turban and other traditional Kenyan wear. Obama was visiting Kenya, where his father is from, in 2006 when the photo was taken.
The rumor is that the photo was circulated by the Hillary Clinton campaign as a smear-tactic against Obama. If this were true, which Hillary has denied, then the logic would seem to be that Americans would link Obama to the middle-eastern terrorist stereotype and thus not vote for him.
There are a couple of scary things about that logic. The first and probably least important is that the Clinton campaign might think that Americans are stupid enough to be scared out of voting for someone because he is wearing a turban. I say that this is the least important part because there are probably plenty of racist, brainless dipshits out there who WOULD stay away from a candidate just because he is wearing a turban in a photo.
The really scary part of this whole thing -- if it is true that this photo was circulated by the Clinton campaign as a smear tactic against Obama -- is that there are high-ranking members of that campaign that believe that men wearing turbans are terrorists, or that they hate the U.S., or that they are waging jihad against us...basically it would mean that they think that everyone from the middle east is a terrorist.
If it is true that this photo is being circulated by the Clinton campaign (which, again, Hillary has denied), then this is one of the most racist, ignorant, and degrading displays I have ever seen. It would basically be the same as saying, "Don't vote for this guy! He's wearing a turban! He'll blow us all up!"
In other, unrelated news: America's international relations remain at an all time low and American politicians are still unsure why. Could it be because we...
...just stereotyped billions of people as politically radical killers (again)?
Whoopi Goldberg, who apparently started crying on TV this morning because she wasn't included in some sort of video montage of the hosts of the Oscars on last night's award show.
Who the fuck cares, Whoopi? People get shot and killed every day, and you are bitching and moaning because you weren't included in a fucking television montage? Aren't you famous enough already? Aren't you rich enough already? Big fucking deal. You and a lot of other people need to learn to shut the fuck up sometimes. I wasn't on the damn montage, and I'm not crying. That's like crying because you got picked last in gym class, even though you are already a rich and famous TV host.
You know what I am going to cry about? I am going to cry about the fact that there are people as stupid as you that actually exist. That's the real tear-jerker.
Oh yeah, and your name is fucking Whoopi. What the fuck is up with that. Shut the hell up.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I was just watching Seinfeld and thinking about some homework (it helps me to think). The episode ended (the "Jimmy" episode...nice) and I wasn't really paying attention, so I just left the channel on. NASCAR came on, and as soon as I noticed I of course jumped violently out of my seat and rushed for the remote control so that I could turn off the scary hillbilly show as quickly as I could. I didn't want it to, you know, like, "damage" me, or whatever, if I accidentally saw just a little bit of it.
But before I could find the remote, the theme song started playing, and I could actually feel my brain beginning to deteriorate. I can't even describe it for you, it was just... I can't even tell you what I felt. In that moment, all of my emotions flowed through me like a strong current. I remembered my family, and the good times. Pre-NASCAR theme song.
But the thing that made me cry was when the guy in the song said "Let's go racing, boys." I just, I can't...Its...It's not good. I don't know...I don't know what is going to happen to me now, I'm...I can't even...No. No.
Ralph Nader, who just entered the Presidential race. Ralph is going to get about 1% of the vote, and he won't win any states. What he will do, however, is take votes away from Barack Obama (or Hillary Clinton, if she comes back and wins the Democratic nomination) in the National election, making it much easier for John McCain to win. Ironically, Obama is probably the candidate with policies and ideas most similar to Nader's, so, in running, Nader is actually putting his ideals even farther out of reach.
"I am the unnecessary nurse in the room for America's colonoscopy."
Friday, February 22, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Committing to the Indian. I am going to tonight's Chicago Blackhawks game at the United Center against the Minnesota Wild. It is the first game I have been to in years, and the occasion marks a well-orchestrated re-committment to the Indian for me that has been building within me all season. Tonight I officially commit to the Indian.
Commit to the Indian.
Tom waddle is 41 today (that's right...born on the exact same day as Kurt Cobain). Tom is most famous for being the greatest wide receiver ever in the history of the world. He is also well known for going over the middle and getting his ass kicked by gigantic linebackers, but still holding on to the football.
These days, Waddle co-hosts a sports radio show that is, in my opinion, the best sports talk show in Chicago.
Tom is currently disappointed because he can't use the line "I'm a man! I'm 40!" anymore.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I spoke with one of my professors today, and she told me that she has heard that Fred Phelps and the Addams Family have attempted to picket at least one of the funerals for the victims of the NIU shooting last week.
The funeral was in St. Charles, and St. Charles was ready for the bastards. The citizens of the village lined up all of their snow plows end-to-end, creating a barricade around the funeral area so that Phelps and Cousin Itt couldn't get close.
Hopefully the barricade kept them far enough away from the family and mourners so that they didn't have to hear the Good Ol' Boy's ridiculous, cruel, and vulgar shouting.
Keep in mind that this is all second-hand or third-hand information. But it sounds like something at least similar to this happened.
Hopefully what happened is that the St. Charles villagers/protectors told the Addams Family to leave. And then Cousin Itt said that they wouldn't. And then one of the villagers walked over to the (imaginary, non-existant) door, shut it, locked it, and said, "Alright. Now you's can't leave." And then The Beatles' "Come Together" started playing in the background. And then...
(A Bronx Tale. One of the best movies ever made.)
Fred Phelps and the Addams Family are coming to Dekalb today to tell us about how happy they are that five of our friends and classmates were murdered. 5:45, intersection of Lucinda and Normal. Let's get ready to rumble.
Here is the Wikipedia entry on Phelps. Very interesting, especially the section on his disbarment.
Here are some groups and individuals that Fred Phelps hates, according to Wikipedia:
Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers)
The top picture above is the devil himself, and of course he is wearing a cowboy hat. The second picture is Phelps' beautiful daughter. She must be one of those people that thinks that all men are gay because they keep rejecting her, when in reality it is because she looks like a dead, decomposing sewer rat. The bottom photo is an old family photo.
5:45 p.m. Let's get ready to rumble.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Lindsay Lohan. I'm not going to tell you that Lindsay is the most beautiful woman in the world. Half of the time, I don't even like her. But for whatever reason, today, I am in love with her. She also just got naked for New York Magazine in a Marilyn Monroe tribute.
When you aren't all coked up, you are kind of pretty.